


I Don't Love You and For That I'm Sorry

by SimulatedStars



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Rejection, Slight swearing, Unrequited Love, ace!jolras, almost e/R but haha not quite, possibly too close to home, unpolised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 02:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimulatedStars/pseuds/SimulatedStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire confesses stuff, Enjolras tries to put him down gently.</p><p>Just a short thing I wrote a while ago that I wanted to release into the wilds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Love You and For That I'm Sorry

He was pretty sure that his lip was more blood than it was lip, since he’d been chewing it ever since he’d realised that Grantaire was going to approach him to talk about Feelings. He didn’t want to hurt him, because no matter if his lifestyle choices differed from his he still cared for the guy, he was still his friend.

And now it had happened. Grantaire wasn’t even past his normal levels of drunken stupor, but here they were, standing outside in the bitter cold whilst their friends sat inside debating and talking and generally enjoying the evening. 

Enjolras buried his hands deep into his pockets, and looked at his scuffed shoes.  
“You, you do know that I’ve never felt that way for anyone, right?” He glanced up to see Grantaire giving a short nod, before returning to look anywhere but at him. “And, and just because you’ve told me that you do, it doesn’t change anything. You’re still who you’ve always been - a friend. No, not a friend, a damn good friend and an exceptional debate partner to boot.”

His eyes strayed back towards Grantaire, 

He was breathing too quickly.

“Don’t- just, don’t, please.” Grantaire’s face fell slightly, and Enjolras closed his eyes, head up to the sky and internally cursed himself for being so insulting.

“No, oh gods no that’s not what I meant. I mean, look, you’re not the first person who’s said these things to me, but you are the first person to say them who I’ve cared about. And, look I don’t know what to say.” Enjolras stood there, his breath coming out too fast and making the air around them fog up. It mingled with the few breaths that escaped Grantaire’s mouth. 

“And thus the man who prizes himself on his speeches is speechless.”Grantaire said bitterly. Enjolras scoffed at the attempt for humour and searched for any other words that might cover the tempest of thoughts inside his head.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I care about you, I - I don’t want to see you hurt or to hurt you, but, you, you know that I could never like someone in that way, don't you?” He glanced up to see Grantaire giving a short nod, before returning to look anywhere but at him. “And just because that’s how you feel about me isn’t going to change anything, and-“

His eyes strayed back to Grantaire, who looked on the verge of crying. Enjolras was at a loss, and they stood there, in agonising, unresolving silence. He knew that if he didn’t end it here, didn’t end it now that Grantaire might disappear from meetings, just to avoid Enjolras and thinking about all the things that went unsaid. After coercing more blood from his chapped lips he took a deep breath and prayed to any deity or spirit that might be listening, and placed his hand on Grantaire’s chin, tilting the other mans’ face up to look at him, before leaning in and kissing him on the bridge of his nose.

“This doesn’t mean that we’re no longer friends, ok? Just that… that will never happen between us. And I’m sorry, but, well I hope you know what I’ve been trying to say.”   
Grantaire nodded furiously, more like a panicked rabbit than a man who had previously been bold enough to confess years of unrequited love. Enjolras realised that he was still holding his face, and quickly pulled it away.

“Well, er, come back inside when you get too cold, or, or something.” He turned, and walked back inside briskly, but all the while hoping against hope that this was the right thing to have done, that they were the right things to have said and that Grantaire might not completely avoid him forevermore.

~ ~

“fuck.”

Grantaire whispered to the snow that lay on the ground, as that was the only thing around to listen to him.

He walked back inside the bar and ordered a neat whiskey. This was going to be a long night.


End file.
